Interaction

You’ve seen her, walked up to her and spoken briefly to her. So far, so good but there is a long ways to go yet, so keep reading. Remember that long before you can begin to seduce, you have to attract and that is your focus now. You want to make sure you present yourself in a way that will make her want you—and be willing to take risks or even chase you in order to do it. This is done through a combination of demonstrating value, knowing how to flirt, using group dynamics and isolating your target.

Before you read anything else, however, remind yourself of what you simply MUST NOT DO when walking into a place to meet women. You must never, ever allow yourself to think “I’m here and I’m horny, so I will take whoever I can get”. If you do, you will project an attitude that will turn women off before you ever get near them. Instead, your attitude must be, “I have all the choices in the world when it comes to women. Whoever I choose is the lucky one” and “I only spend my time and give my attention to high quality women”. Remember, YOU are the prize, not the woman. You are screening her to make sure SHE is good enough for YOU. If you forget that, your chances of scoring will plummet. 

When you walk in, have a smile on your face. If at all possible, know the staff of the bar or wherever you are so they can call out a greeting to you. Look confident, greet people and show you have strong social status. Believe me, girls will notice and they will be attracted.

Demonstrate Value

Simply put, this means that first you do and say things that make you more attractive to the woman, on both a conscious and subconscious level and then you build on it to make it stronger. Some of the most common ones are being popular with other women (the man who walks in with two women on his arms shows other women he’s desirable!), money (but not if it is obviously flaunted), and being socially comfortable, confident and in control.  You need to be interesting and fun. If you project desperation, loneliness, unhappiness, sexual frustration or incompetence, your value will sink and even disappear completely. 
Why do you have to have a high value when approaching a woman? First, it will help you even get the chance to talk to her—in other words, she won’t see you coming and think it’s time to head to the bathroom for a while. Instead, she will be intrigued and hang around to see what you are going to do with her attention. Secondly, you need it in order to hold her attention. If you can make her like the way she feels when she is with you, you are on a slippery slope to sex. It’s the key that unlocks a woman’s heart—and legs. Demonstrate the values that women care about and you are on your way to getting laid.

How do you know what those values are? Some are just common ones shared by most women. They prefer men who speak easily and comfortably. They want men other women see as attractive. They want men who are dominant (not domineering). They want intelligence and class. They want men who will treat them well and not hurt them. While some women may have unusual values (i.e. she wants a foreign man, a traveling man, an amusing man, an adventurous man, etc.), most of them have the same requirements. If you can demonstrate these values, you will earn invisible points on her internal scale and the more points you get, the easier it will be to turn it into sex.

One of the best ways to find out what an individual woman values is . . .  to ask her! You need a good question to include in your initial conversation so make it one that can give you a head start. “So, what is your idea of a perfect man?”, “What do you think are the really important things in life?”, “If you had to choose between a rich guy, a handsome guy and a powerful guy, which one would you like best?”, “What do you ache for most in a new relationship?” or even “Why do you think most relationships fail?” Listen carefully to her answers because they will tell you what values she has and which ones you need to demonstrate if you want a chance with her. You will need to mirror those concerns and values right back to her and if you don’t listen, you wasted your time.

Building comfort is a process that involves increasing the emotional connection the two of you have, increasing the mutual attraction and increasing physical intimacy moment by moment. (Yes, it is worth the effort because the step after this one is seduction and sex—and we know that is what you have been waiting for all this time!)

How long does it take to build that much comfort? It certainly depends on the woman. For some, it is a matter of minutes or even hours. For others, it may be several dates. Feeling a connection to you takes time and you have to be patient enough to work your way through it or you will blow it by moving too fast.

What builds comfort? Good question. Here are several activities:

Discussing similar values

Learning about each other’s personalities, hopes, dreams, hobbies and interests

Getting approval from her peers
Spending time together

Making plans

Experiencing emotions in response to each other’s stories

Not pushing too hard for sex

Negging Woman

Insulting a woman is almost always a mistake. Negging a woman, as author Mystery describes in “The Mystery Method: How to Put Beautiful Women under your Spell” can be very effective—especially for those women who come across snooty and a little bitchy. If she is not responding the way you want her to, it is time to throw in a few “negs”—it isn’t a criticism, it isn’t rude—it’s a subtle message that you aren’t there to impress her in any way. Most of the time it puzzles her and turns you into a mysterious challenge. Examples include:

Is your hair really that color? It’s hard to imagine.
Hey, I’m talking here. Please don’t interrupt.
Do you always behave like this?
Apparently you don’t get out very often.
You have spinach or something on your teeth.
Is that a stain on the front of your shirt?
Gee, those shoes must be really . . . comfortable.

Typically these negs come in three types:

SHOTGUN: a statement that indicates complete disinterest

TEASE: a statement that is said with a cocky, playful undertone

SNIPER:  a statement intended to embarrass her so that she demonstrates a lower value

Another subtler, unspoken type of neg is talking to multiple women besides her. Focus on her, then move on to focus on another and another. Women are extremely jealous creatures and jealousy is an amazingly powerful emotion. Internally, the women are saying, HEY, wait a minute! What happened to talking to me? What does SHE have that I don’t HAVE? This sets up a delightful type of competition where women, even good friends, decide to outdo each other in an attempt to capture your attention and keep it. Your value skyrockets just by introducing more of that insecurity. And your chances of getting laid increase because now you have multiple women to choose from!

Why do you want her to feel this way? You want her to feel somewhat insecure and vulnerable. Most women are used to being complimented and hit on. Do the opposite and intrigue her into pursuing you and proving to you what a great girl she actually is. Also keep in mind that when women feel frustrated and flustered, she gets emotional and energetic. She also gets turned on. She may not realize it, of course, but she does. Her female aggression transforms into sexual arousal.

Flirting

When does flirting begin? When you start talking? On the dance floor? No, it begins when you first set eyes on your target. You walk in and spot her immediately. Here is what you do:

Lock eyes with her. Do not stare. That looks predatory and scary. Instead catch her eye and hold it. Do NOT look away. Some girls will look away but others will look right back. Hold that contact with her as you walk towards her. If she breaks away, you do too. Find another target. If she doesn’t and she smiles at you, smile back. You just made the connection you need to walk up to her and start talking. As you talk, continue to look closely at her . . . FACE. Yeah, guys, FACE. There’s time to stare at her tits and ass later. Right now, stare at her face. Linger on each part of it. Go slowly from eye to eye, nose, mouth, chin and cheeks. Let your eyes tell her that you find her attractive but keep your mouth out of it.

Experts believe there are two basic kinds of flirting: playful, light and casual or sophisticated, sensual and romantic. Playful teasing is very basic and includes such things as tickling, teasing and even light wrestling. It makes a girl laugh and relaxes her boundaries. Teasing should be fun, never mean or meant to hurt. Wrestling can take the form of arm wrestling, thumb wars, etc. It gives you a chance to be close and skin to skin, plus show your power. All of this works to create sexual tension between you. In a word, it is just simple fun.

Sophisticated flirting, on the other hand, is what one expert calls “foreplay for the brain” or “intellectual intercourse”. Instead of being physical, it is purely mental. It’s witty verbal sparring where you show a woman you are knowledgeable, capable and interesting. One trick that tends to lure in many women is if you know a few simple magic tricks or know a little about fortune telling or reading palms. Astrology works like a charm too. Girls fall for that stuff easily and you can spend a couple of hours with a book and know enough to keep these females interested.  Part of this kind of flirting often includes talk about sex as well. A light sexual joke. A story about your friend who did the most amazing sexual feat. An article you read about in a magazine about the link between the length of a man’s attention span and the length of his cock. Never make it about you, however. Since you deliver all of this information lightly and as part of flirting, there is no threat involved. After all, you aren’t talking about yourself or her but other people. That makes it safe.

As you flirt with the woman, remember the lessons learned in earlier chapters about establishing rapport. Mirror her breathing and her movements so you appear to be in sync with her at all times. This helps her to feel connected to you.

Touching

Should you touch a girl while you are talking and flirting? We know you want to, but should you is a completely different question. The answer is a tentative yes. However, don’t do it before you have introduced yourself (other than perhaps a handshake), or before you have established rapport and comfort with her. Conversation needs to be continuous before you introduce kinesthetics, “kino” for short, or the physical element. If you do it too early, you will push her away—the opposite of what you want to do.

When you first touch her, make sure it is gentle and SAFE, i.e. don’t make it sexual. This is not the time to grab her boobs or ass, as much as you might want to. Instead, take her hand, either to briefly hold and squeeze and then let go, or to supposedly read her palm, twirl her on the dance floor, move her to a different spot, and so on. Touch her arm lightly in a gentle caress and then go away. Brush her hair from her shoulders. Slide your arm around her waist for a quick hug and then remove it. Quick, nonsexual touches are enjoyable and not threatening. For example, clamping a hand on her thigh is most likely going to be rejected—along with you, but a light tracing from her knee to mid-thigh and then gone will be accepted (and probably bring a shiver of delight as well). A woman wants to feel desirable but not slutty. She will respect you (she will know you are a man) when you touch her confidently and naturally in an appropriate manner.

As your time together continues, you can escalate those touches but at the first sign that you have gone too far, back off. NEVER push. It’s threatening to her and demeaning to you. If she returns those touches, then just keep going. This is sometimes referred to as “kino pinging” and with the right woman, it might not end until sometime early tomorrow morning in bed.

Group Dynamics

In an ideal world, every woman you want to meet is sitting at the bar all alone, just waiting for you to approach her. In the real world, however, good looking women are rarely, if ever, alone. This means, more than likely, you will have to approach a group if you want to meet someone. This can be intimidating and many losers take one glimpse of a table of four or five women and walk back out the door. You know better, however—or at least you will by the time you finish going this website.

A group of people usually includes the “target” or the woman you are interested in meeting and the others which are sometimes known as “obstacles” and other times referred to as “cockblockers”. While you need to get rid of the obstacles in order to reach your target, you have to keep in mind that these obstacles are the friends, co-workers, even siblings of your target. If you walk up and alienate or ignore them, you’ve lost any chance with the girl. These people are probably important to her and have influence over her. If they think you are a jerk, she will too. Women tend to engage in “groupthink” or making decisions as a whole. They communicate with each other in ways that men can never hope to achieve, from looks and whispers to gestures and facial expressions. You piss off one of the women and you may well have just pissed off the whole group.

Instead, you have to use honey and not vinegar, or, in other words, you need to charm the group and then get the girl. This is sometimes referred to as “opening the set”. You can either do this one your own or with the help of your “wing man”, your buddy who you brought along for this very purpose. (Keep your friends by making sure you discuss the fact that he is your wing man first—otherwise, he may think you are competing for women and that ends a friendship. You can always trade back and forth and be his wing man at the next group, bar or night out.)

The obstacles in the group need to be befriended first. You need to approach them all with a great opening line or question, a big smile and a willingness to talk to everyone in the group, including the girls you have no interest in whatsoever and whatever guys are in the group. In fact, you should pay the least attention to your target at first. It will surprise her—and she will want to find out why you are doing it.

When you walk up to the group, address your question to the most bored looking person in the group. It will be clear you aren’t coming on to anyone but just meeting everyone with a great opener like “Okay guys, what do you think—who takes longer showers? Men or women?” or “Who do you think would win in a boxing fight between Superman and Spider Man?” The easiest one to use of all is, “So how do you all know each other?” Not only does it get people talking but you can often learn vital information about your target if you listen to what people say about each other.

These types of open ended questions should start a conversation that can lead to introductions, including one eventually to your target and of your wing man. Can your wing man actually be a wing woman? You bet. If you happen to have a really hot sister, neighbor, co-worker or some other good looking female that you are not remotely involved with, arrange for an evening out with her on your arm. (Remember to pay the favor back to her when asked!) Her presence will make you look even more attractive because it demonstrates your value. Simply put, women around you will wonder what you have that is so special that another woman is with you. As a result, they will want to find out.

What can you and the group talk about? Anything interesting that does not involve religion, politics, previous girlfriends or boyfriends or health problems. Some possibilities include:\

• A scary moment
• An exciting event
• Your biggest adventure
• Meeting someone famous
• Buying a gift for a kid
• The best sports player
• That time in the hospital
• The best vacation ever
• That unbelievable experience
• This exasperating clerk

Start multiple threads of conversation so the talking stays fresh and dynamic. If a certain thread starts to become a downer, cut it and lead the group into another one. Remember that when you are talking to women, gloss over the facts and statistics of the story and focus on the emotions and feelings in it. That is what they will connect with.

Isolating the Target

Now that the whole group loves you, it’s time to start honing in on your target. Move yourself closer to her, address comments directly to her and look into her eyes. Make it clear that you are interested but not in a desperate way. If she doesn’t reciprocate, it’s no big deal, remember? You have lots of women yet to meet tonight. Throw in a number of statements known as a type of backhanded compliment. These are the ones that compliment her and then take it partially back. For example, “You are so great, we would never get along”, “You’re a professional dancer so I’m not even going to talk to you” or “You are gentle and kind—so not my type”. Statements like these keep her off balance and she is completely hooked trying to figure out what you are actually trying to tell her. She is curious and confused and will certainly want to find out more by continuing to talk to you.

Your wing man should know your signals and as you begin to focus more on the target, they will help keep the rest of the group talking and interacting with him or her. This gives you the chance to achieve separation or get your target off by herself. The majority of women do not like getting physically close to a man when her friends or co-workers are looking on, so you need to isolate this target.  Otherwise, one of those people she is hanging out with may tattle on you to your boss, report your behavior to your big brother or just be jealous enough to try and dissuade her from seeing you again in the future.  Get this woman alone before these acquaintances get that chance.

What if you don’t have a wingman to depend on for help? You can go solo in several different ways. You can tell her you have something you want to say or show her and lead her away to a quiet corner. You can ask her to dance. You can say you want to get to know her better and you need alone time for that. Offer to go outside where it’s cooler or inside where it’s warmer. Suggest you go to a place where it is quieter so you can hear her better. Suggest you walk over to the bar to get fresh drinks. Be subtle and reassure her friends that you will bring her back soon, even if you don’t plan to. Don’t take her too far from them so she doesn’t feel like she has abandoned them. Try sitting at a nearby table so they can still see you. Be casual about it and it won’t be a big deal for her.

Another possibility is to change venues completely. If you are at a coffee shop, you could go to a club—or vice versa. If you are at a party, you can stop by a late night bar—or vice versa. If she follows you to a second place, it goes beyond a chance meeting and merges into hanging out together.

Conversations

Once you have your target alone, it’s time to compliment her—but avoid commenting on her looks. Instead find something else to sincerely compliment her on. “You have a fantastic glow about you”, “You are such a good conversationalist”, or “You really seem to know what you want out of life.”  If she responds positively to you, it’s time for a little push-pull again. YOU be the ones to slow things down (girls love that!). “Hey, I don’t usually move this fast,” you can tell her or “I don’t know you well enough to be doing this.” The role reversal will be a definite turn on for her. “You only want me for one thing,” you can say.

It is essential that once you have complimented her, however, you also have two follow up questions to come after it, otherwise you may be facing empty, awkward silence—something neither of you will enjoy and which will feel like hours instead of seconds. Make sure those questions are open-ended, not the simple yes/no ones that can result in a quick reply and a stalk off. You want questions to lead to additional conversation. Here are some examples:

You have to be able to transition from opening lines into full conversation.  One of the best ways to do this is through what some have called a “phrasal transition”. This is where you connect your compliment and questions to a new phrase. For example, look at the examples above. Now imagine following each one up with a phrase like, “You know, that reminds me of...”, “That experience is a lot like when I...” or “Wow, that is amazing, since this one time...”. You can merge right into a full conversation with lead-ins like this.

Remember to talk to the woman about her feelings and emotions—never facts and logic. You want her thinking about her body, her feelings, her sensations. No matter what she brings up, try to find a way to bring in these elements. If she loves to go rock climbing, talk about the power of her muscles, the warmth of the sun, the caress of the breeze and the exhilaration of reaching the peak. If she loves to draw, focus on the sensation of the feeling of the pencil sliding across the page, the sensual angles, the delicate shadings and the power of creativity.  If she loves to go to concerts, talk about the feeling of the bass vibrating internally, the soaring sensation of the vocals and the rush of hearing your favorite song. Bring in sight, sound, taste, smell and touch as much as possible. Of course, this does not mean you should be feeling any of those emotions yourself. Instead, just take the credit for being so sensitive and intuitive but only observe and comment on the emotions rather than participating in them.

Are there things you should NOT talk about? Absolutely. Avoid anything negative or controversial and never, ever disagree with her. Don’t talk about personal or health problems, never, ever sound desperate, AVOID any old girlfriends’ stories, and ALWAYS stay away from politics, religion and conspiracy theories.

The most essential part of carrying a conversation with this woman is to have a point to it—a goal. Just aimless chitchat not only runs out quickly but also leads absolutely nowhere. It’s boring. It’s a waste of her time and yours. Do not wait until your conversation begins to falter—you want to leave right before that happens.

There is an old expression that says, “Leave ‘em laughing” that you should keep in mind when you are out on the prowl for women. When should you quit talking and leave? When conversation is at its very peak—or climax (and we know that you know what that is!) You want her to think back to being with you with a big grin, recalling what a great time she had with you. You don’t want her to recall awkward silences or your 20-minute monologue on the car you just bought. Cut off the conversation while it is still going strong and say you’re sorry but you have to go because of some kind of (false) time constraint. “I only have a minute...”, “I wish I could stay longer but...” or “I’ve got to meet someone but...”. Combine this with body language known as the body rock. You rock on the balls of your feet as if you’ve got to run out of the door any second. Glance at your watch a couple of times. The combination makes it look as if you’re important and desired so you just have a few minutes for her. This makes you mysterious and alluring—just the image you want her to remember when you give her a call or run into her again.