The time has finally come—for you to cum. Yes, at last, all that you learned and memorized and performed has come to this point: having sex.

We have looked at those amazing miracles when we get laid right away, but sadly, they are the exception to the rule. (If it is your rule instead of exception, however, quit reading for god’s sake. You have better things to do!). Instead, like most guys, you have been working on developing rapport, value and comfort with several different women. You’ve gone on a few dates with each one. It’s time to transition from heavy petting in the car or having only fantasies about the two of you to the real thing. 

Before we launch into the ways you can get that hot woman into your hot bed, we want to make two things very clear from the very start.

The first one is this: Although we will look at all the many ways to overcome a woman’s objections, sex must ALWAYS be consensual and with a woman’s clear consent. You do not ever force a woman to have sex. That’s rape. It’s illegal. It’s wrong. It’s jail. Don’t be stupid.

Secondly, whenever you have sex—whether she tells you she has never had unprotected sex with anyone, hell, if she tells you she is a virgin—it doesn’t matter. You will wear a condom every time you have sex. You will. It’s smart. It’s safe. Not doing so can mean death and a life time of child support payments. Don’t be even stupider.

Okay. We have all of the serious crap out of the way, let’s talk about having some fun.

The Female Mind

When it comes to sex, male and females are truly different creatures. While society thinks you are a stud for bedding as many women as possible, women who sleep around are often considered sluts or whores. Fair? Hardly. True? Yup. So when a woman considers having sex with you, she is taking it much more seriously than you are. Ask a man if he wants to have sex and he responds internally with:

YES
Right now? Sure.
Right here? Okay.
Sounds good.
I’m ready when you are.
YES

Ask a woman and most of them respond internally with:       

Will he stop if I ask him to?
Will he hurt me?          

Will he treat me as badly as the last guy did?   

Could I get pregnant?
Will he tell others I was easy?

Am I being a slut for saying yes?
What will my friends say?
Will he use a condom?

This is too scary.  I’ll pass.

With all of this going through her head, it makes it very difficult to even begin to say yes. So, it’s your job to help her deal with these worries and misgivings the best way you can. What’s your reward? Sex, bozo.

Of course, all of that starts from the time you meet each other, not from when you try to bed her. You have to have already established comfort with her. She needs to trust you and feel comfortable with you by now. Hopefully, she has been to your place at least once before you decide it’s time to have sex. You want her to think of your place as a fun, relaxed place to be.

Imagine that your date has gone extremely well. Things have been heating up each time you see each other and you just know that tonight is THE night to take things a step further. So far, she seems to be in agreement. You leave the play, movie, bar—wherever you were and it’s time to head to your house.

State Breaks

Your date has been kissing and touching you all evening. Things look good. Get ready because here come what some NLP therapists and others refer to as a “state break”. To understand a state break, imagine that you are sitting at home on the couch. Your favorite music is playing, you’re ready a great book and you are completely relaxed. You reach for that perfect drink of cold beer . . . and get a glass of milk instead.

ARGHHHHHHHHH. You just had a state shift or state break. You were feeling one way and that came to an abrupt end. Your state of mind—peaceful and relaxed—just got shut down as your brain goes from emotion to logic trying to figure out what just happened to you. You have had a state break.

Avoidance = taking every possible step to prevent state shifts from happening in the first place

Blurring = lessening the intensity of the state shift

Distraction = getting the woman’s attention onto something else so they forget about the shift

The first state shift is when you transition from wherever you went on your date to your house. This is the point where she thinks to herself, Aha. He plans to seduce me when he gets me into his place. I had better be on guard. For some women, they are already preparing their objections in their minds.

How would avoidance, blurring and distraction help you here?

Using avoidance, you have prepared this shift to be easy by making sure your place looks nice, she has been there before and associates it with laughing and having a great time with you and you put away the porn magazines and the Star Wars posters.

Romantic Things to Add to Your Apartment/House

• Candles
• Aromatherapy and/or incense
• Special magazines women are interested in like Ocean Drive
• Pillows and blankets
• Lights that can dimmed
• Wide music selection
• Working fireplace

Using blurring, if she gets uncomfortable walking into your place, make sure it is close to where you already were so it’s a smooth transition.  Stop by your place to pick up a jacket or show her the photographs you had been telling her about earlier. This blurs the reason you are there.

Using distraction, walk in and offer her a drink, start a fire, put on some music—anything that makes her focus on something other than waiting for you to grab her.

The second state shift is when you move her from the couch to the bedroom. You are already sitting together on the couch because you made sure the chairs were holding other things like pillows (avoidance). You may end up having sex on the couch because it flows right and feels natural, or you may head to another room. If she protests, you slow down (blurring) and back off a bit. If she pulls back, you refresh her drink or turn up the music (distraction).

The fourth state shift is one of the toughest to do smoothly but practice will help (avoidance). Slip the condom on. You can do it while you are kissing her elsewhere (blurring) and then move into her most erogenous areas (distraction) like her boobs or clit (a definite distraction). Remember, many women find their boobs more erogenous than their clit; don’t ignore the boobs!

The fifth state shift is penetration. If a woman is ready for this moment, it will happen naturally and smoothly. She will welcome it. If she is not ready, this can be startling and a definite state changer. It may feel invasive. To make sure it is a pleasant experience, you need to ensure she is wet (avoidance) for easy sliding (either through plain old arousal or oral sex), be touching her elsewhere at that moment (blurring) and whisper to her or call out her name (distraction).

Overcoming her Objections

If she does say something like this, then back off a little. If you were under her skirt, go back to under her shirt. Whatever step you were at, just go back one. Stay there a while and then try the next step again. She may very well go right along with it this time.

Common Objections

I don’t think we should do this . . .
We should slow down a bit . . .
This is going way too fast . . .
I’m not that easy to get . . .
You are a player, aren’t you?
I’m not like other girls . . .
Are we really ready for this?

On the other hand, a REAL objection is when she pushes you away and says, “No! I am not ready for this!” That means STOP. Going further can easily get warped into a rape situation.

Freeze Out

If she tells you to stop and you are not sure if this was a token or real objection, test it. Say okay—cheerfully. This is no big deal for you. Don’t pout. Don’t be pissy. Don’t be irritated. Don’t sulk. You are an adult. Turn up the lights, straighten your clothing and go do something else. Go in the kitchen and get something to eat. Check your email. Pull out the chess or checkers game. Find something neutral—as well as boring—to do. See what happens. If she goes with it, she meant no. If she comes over and re-initiates romance, follow it and go back to where you were. It was just a token.

Reverse Psychology

One of the best ways to overcome an objection is one of reverse psychology. If she says, “I am not having sex with you,” then you can respond with, “Who said we were going to do that anyway? I’m just enjoying touching you.”  To take it even a step further, when she says something along the lines of, “We are moving too fast. I am not ready for this,” pull back, think a moment and then say, in a gentle but serious tone, “You’re probably right. Maybe we should wait. I think you are worth it.” You would not believe how many women respond to this by jumping you. You’ve affirmed their feelings and told them that you like them enough to just hold off, as difficult as it may be and that is often a huge turn on. (Check out the scene between Marisa Tomei and Mel Gibson in “What Women Want” for the perfect example of this play.)

Your age and hers (unless she is under 18 and then get the hell out of there, boy!) should not be an issue, but it can be. If you are younger than the woman you are with, it is rare to have age be a problem (unless she perceives you as immature). Older women often truly appreciate a younger man. They are flattered by your attention and probably adore your stamina. If the girl you are seducing, however, is younger than you are, she may be concerned about having an “older” lover—even if that means you are just a few years older than she is.

You could lie. We don’t advocate that. Lying is just never a smart thing to do because it takes way too much effort to maintain them. Getting caught in them usually has less than fun consequences anyway.

If she asks about your age (never volunteer the info), tell her the truth. If she seems offset by it, demonstrate the many reasons she does not need to be. Reassure her that your age has given you time to learn some important life (and sexual) lessons which you can show her. Your age doesn’t make you old—it makes you experienced and skilled. She should be grateful to have a lover that knows what he is doing. Turn her negative statement into a positive one.

Cheating Woman

Okay, we know. Being with an engaged or married woman is a shitty thing to do . . . but let’s face it. It happens and it’s not YOUR fault she is cheating on her boyfriend, fiancée, or husband. That was entirely her decision. The committed woman who is making out with you most likely isn’t looking for Mr. Right or the Love of her Life—she is looking for some hot sex and you are there to provide it.

A woman who is already with a man will behave differently when she is around you. Most likely, she will regale you with more information than you want to know about her current relationship and how wonderful it is (which is bullshit or she wouldn’t be here with you). She will make extra efforts to find ways for you two to be together. Stop by the house to see something. Come over and let’s study together. Show me how to make that soufflé. Help me pick out a new stereo system. There’s something weird going on with my car—could you take a look?  When you are together, she will flirt with you and usually share the fact that she has cheated on her guy in the past. Why would she tell you this other than to give you the go ahead to make a move on her? At the end of the day, a woman who has committed to a man is getting hit on less by men because of that big rock on her finger! This often lowers her self esteem. They often lack adventure because they are in a day-to-day routine relationship. So, be that guy who can provide a short adventure and trust us, you will score. We are in no way advocating adultery; we’re just stating a fact in today’s society. If you don’t believe us, check out the website:  www.ashleymadison.com.

What is she just happens to mention, as you two are chatting, that she has a boyfriend? (Never ask her if she does!) You can ignore it and just keep talking like she didn’t mention it. You could chuckle and tell her that’s great—but is he really treating her the way she deserves? (Most women never think they are being treated as well as they deserve, so many will give this one some serious thought.) If she says she has a boyfriend, act relieved and say you’re glad because you aren’t looking for a girlfriend either—and then go right back to building value and rapport. You might even say, “That is so great—when’s the wedding?” This makes the woman reflect on the seriousness of her relationship and may have her re-think how nice it would be to go out with someone new—like you.  Of course, if she says the date with a big smile, back off. This woman is probably very committed and just felt like having an innocent talk with a good looking guy.

In one of the sneakier moves you can make, you can make the boyfriend look bad—even as you are “sticking up” for him. Ask why he isn’t with her that night, since she is such a beautiful girl. Ask what he does when he is out with the boys—making excuses for him that he is probably just having a drink and watching sports, but alluding that perhaps he is doing more than that. Never insult or accuse the boyfriend of anything—you are on his side, after all. Plant a seed of doubt in her mind and then sit back and watch it grow. Feed it a bit. Have her talk about his faults. Segue into how hot sex with some of her old boyfriends was. Focus on it and get her mental state to where she is getting horny. Now, touch her now and then, subtle, gentle moves and you are in—or will be soon.

Being Irresistible

Now that you are here—or THERE—as the case may be, don’t blow it (pun intended) by being a lousy lay. You have put way too much effort into becoming the man you want to be—and the stud—to ruin it now.

Being a good lover is like being a good anything—it takes time, effort and practice. Most experts on the topic say that being a skillful man in bed takes a combination of communication, technique and attitude. As one area improves, so will the others.

There are tons and tons of books out there that will tell you, in great detail, how to be a better lover. We are going to summarize them into the condensed version of 10 Top Lover’s Tips:

1. Virtually every problem you have between the sheets can be solved through the use of your mouth. Nope, not that way. We mean by talking. By listening carefully to her, you will better meet her needs. By explaining your needs, she can better meet yours. Ask her what turns her on and do it. Tell her what turns you on and if it’s not too incredibly bizarre, maybe she will do it to you 
   
   
2. Be familiar with female anatomy and how it works. Know different and unusual positions. Have a number of fantasies. Experiment with sex toys. Find out about new techniques. If you want to do something well, a little research always helps.
   
   
3. Remember that women have more than tits, pussy and ass. (We know—you’re shocked.) Pay attention to the other parts. Kiss them. Stroke them. Caress them. She will appreciate it and show it in many ways.
   
   
4. Learn from the experts. Watch James Bond movies. See sexual, romantic movies. Pick up those romantic novels you trash and read some of the sex scenes. Regardless of what you think of them, a lot of women find them very arousing. You can learn from all those bare-chested men in those books.
   
   
5. During sex, maintain eye contact. This makes her feel special and like you are really focusing on her, as you should be. Smile at her and if you can naturally slip it in (pun intended again), compliment her on her moves, her smells, etc.
   
   
6. This may seem shocking but surveys have shown that women’s favorite part of sex is foreplay. As men, we tend to just rush through it to get to the “good part” but that is a mistake. Spend at least 15 to 30 minutes in different kinds of foreplay. (If you don’t know how to do this, then you need to do more research.)
   
   
7. As you already know SO WELL, women tend to be slower to heat up than men (i.e. it takes more than two minutes). So take your time. Be slow. Move slow. Watch carefully for what seems to work best for her. Remember that there is a big percentage of women who cannot orgasm through genital-to-genital sex. They need you to use your hand or tongue instead of your cock to get off so be willing to do that.
   
   If you’d like to know a theory behind why women find it so difficult to cum through typical, missionary position sex, check out Naura Hayden’s How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time . . . and Have Her Beg for More (Bibli O’Phile, 2001).  She may teach you some tricks you never knew and which will increase your popularity in bed several times over.
   
   
8. The old Abbott and Costello routine used to ask, “Who’s on first?” but you should be asking, “Who cums first?” The answer is, SHE DOES. Hell, you know you aren’t going to be a problem but she takes time and attention. Help her to cum first and she will work very hard to make sure that when it is your turn, you enjoy yourself thoroughly.          
   
   
9. AFTERPLAY is absolutely essential. We know. We’ve been there. You’re happy. You’re tired. You’re lying down. Sleep is just the next natural course and why cuddle? For the next 10 minutes or so, you aren’t interested in sex anyway. But remember how much she loves foreplay? She likes the after part almost as much. Hold, caress, cuddle and talk to her. She will remember that and want to come—and cum—back again for more.      
   
   
10. Never talk about ANY of the following before, during or after sex: how many women you have slept with, how much you love watching porn, how incredibly long it has been since you’ve had sex, the most vulgar sex joke you know, or how you need to get up because your wife is coming home soon. We trust you to be smarter than that.

You did it! You scored. You made it through making the changes, learning the lines, establishing value and rapport, reading women’s signals, making the date and now, making love to a beautiful woman you wanted. Pat yourself on the back, boy because you’ve done it. You have become . . . sexually irresistible.