Question Openers

When you begin speaking with a woman, take about 10 to 15 seconds and end on an open-ended question (i.e. one that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”) that calls for some kind of answer from her. The goal of this approach is to start a conversation.

Elicit curiosity with your initial question but make sure there appears to be a purpose for it to give it roots so it sounds like a genuine question and not a pick up line:

“I read this amazing article last week about what people value in life and it started me thinking about my own values. Do you know what you value most in life?”

“My friend and I are having a disagreement and we need a woman’s opinion. Could you tell me how you feel about guys who date more than one woman at a time?”

“Well, work about did me in today, so I am trying to look on the bright side. What was the very best part of your day today?”

“Hey, I am taking a survey of the stupidest things men have ever come up and said to women. Does this line count?”

“Hi, I am making a point of meeting new people recently and I wanted to add you to today’s list. What’s your name?”

Learn about her—you want to learn as much as you can about her wants, likes, needs, wishes, threats and what makes her happy or aroused. Start with questions:

“So what is your favorite part of your job?”       

“What is the most unusual thing that has happened to you this week/ month/ year?”  

“What one trait best defines you?”       

“What was the happiest moment of your life?” 

“What is your earliest memory?”

Issue Openers

Bring up an important issue—or a sexual one as long as it has nothing to do with you:

“Can you believe this new report on global warming? I heard about it on CNN and I wondered—do you think we should believe it is as serious as it sounds?”   

“According to this study I heard about on the news, women like oral sex almost as much as chocolate. Which do you prefer?”

“So, my buddy and I have a bet going. Could you help? Which do women like better—a celebrity like George Clooney who works for a cause or someone like Paul Newman who stays married to the same woman for years?”

Ask for an opinion on a neutral issue that deals with dating, relationships, gender differences, music or current culture:

“What do you think is the biggest difference between men and women?”

“What the hell is up with Britney Spears anyway?”

“Do you think the 1980s produced any great music at all?”

“What is the one piece of advice you would most like to give to men about seducing a woman?”

Complimentary Openers

Throw out an unusual but sincere compliment:

 “I just wanted you to know that 99 percent of the women who walk in that door would kill their own mothers to look half as good as you do.”

“That dress somehow makes your eyes look even bluer than they are. It is an amazing look for you.”

Offhand Comment Openers

Comment on the situation or environment you are in:

“Is this the best band this place has ever had?”

“When did they remodel the entire bar?”

“Is that drink as potent as it looks?”

“Is this teacher starting an all new routine on us?”

“Did you see that step he just did? Man, that looked complicated.”

Storytelling Openers

And then there is the power of a story. Telling a story almost always lures in the reader. It works for women as well. Couch your opening line into a story and you may get an automatic edge. Your story needs to sound original and spontaneous as well and should be based, if at all possible, on a real story that happened to you, a friend, someone in your family or even in something you read. The story has to have a hook line, which is the opener and it creates intrigue and suspense. It is the bait that draws in the woman and makes her want to hear more. For example:

“Last week my best friend Robert did the most astonishing thing. I’ve known him for 13 years and I had no idea he was capable of this!”

That is certainly enough to make most women go, WHAT HAPPENED?

Next, you need the flow, or the main content of the story. This is where you add in the details but make sure they are based on emotions not just facts. For example, do not say:

“Robert and I have known each other a long time and we even work together. He was standing on the corner of 25th and Hudson when this 4 or 5 year old little boy got away from his mother and went into the street. A Greyhound bus was approaching in the left lane at approximately 40 miles per hour and apparently did not see the child. Robert reached out and grabbed the kid just before the bus got there. The mom was really grateful too.”

While interesting, there are too many unnecessary details in it that detract from the emotional impact of the story—and with women, emotion is the key. Use this version instead,

“Robert and I are co-workers and we have been friends since long before I was promoted at the company. I thought I knew what he was made of.  I was wrong though because when we had lunch on my boat, he told me about what he had done. He was standing at a busy intersection when this little boy let go of his mother’s hand and somehow toddled away—right into the street. A bus was bearing down on this little guy quickly and clearly the driver couldn’t see him. Without a thought to his own safety, Robert reached out and snatched the boy away from certain death just as the bus rushed by. The boy’s mom showed her immense appreciation in quite an unexpected way too!”

Clearly the second story has a lot more impact. Look at the verbs and picture how they paint the scene. It also featured something else that you might have noticed—embedded information. This is subtle information about yourself that you build into the story to make yourself look better. Did you catch the clues about your promotion and the boat? (The woman will certainly notice, believe us. Remember, they are ALL about subtlety.)

Along with this, you also need to leave a little information out at the end of the story to generate further curiosity. For example, the end of the story just begs the question, “What did the boy’s mom do?” Now, the woman is definitely hooked and you just need some closure. Best of all, she is probably wondering if perhaps this woman showed her gratitude by giving Robert the best blow job of his life or showing him the kinkiest sex toy he’d ever seen—which means she is thinking about SEX. That’s what you want her to be thinking about. When she hears the actual end of the story, which is pretty tame in comparison, she may feel let down because she was hoping for SEX. Be sure and accommodate her . . . you don’t want to be rude, right?

“I am pretty sure that the kiss she laid on him was one of the most unexpected ones of his life!”

Other Openers

Here are some other approaches to try—but remember, make them your own because the last thing you want to do is sound like you are reciting something you read in a book!

• “I was just thinking about an experience I had today that I can’t get out of my mind. It is something I saw when I was walking into work today. _______ (Fill in the blank).  Has that ever happened to you? What was one of the most interesting experiences you have had recently?”
  
  
• “I just wanted to come up and thank you.... I have been having a really tough day from the moment my alarm failed to go off. However, one look at your smile when I walked in here made up for all the rest of it. So, really—thank you. You are exactly what I needed. So how has your day treated you?”
  
  
• One expert recommends this one. Walk up to a woman and say, “You look just like . . .” and then pause. You can bet she is listening (and hoping for Angelina Jolie or Catherine Zeta-Jones). “Yes, you definitely look a lot like . . .” pause . . . “someone I need to get to know” or “someone who is too fascinating to walk by without talking to."
  
  
• Pretend like you already know her. Don’t introduce yourself or say, “Hey, didn’t I meet you here last week” because that sounds too much like the typical pick up line. Instead, walk up to her like you’ve had a conversation before and say, “It’s great seeing you again because I had such a great time talking with you last time. What has been going on since then? Any new exciting adventures?” Often, in order not to look impolite or forgetful, she will go right along with you.
  
  
• If she does say she doesn’t know you, pause, give her a longer look and the say, WOW, I could have sworn . . . and then launch right into an open ended question to keep the conversation going. You can modify this by giving her a double take and then walk up looking slightly sheepish and say, Man, you look familiar but I’m embarrassed to say I can’t remember where we met. I’m so sorry but I’m glad we ran into each other again.”
  
  
• For the more advanced pick up artist, there are a few other approaches. For example, Ross Jeffries has the “stunning approach” in which you walk straight up to a woman with completely confidence and tell her that she is the most stunning woman you have ever seen and you simply had to take the chance to meet her. Before she can begin to react, lean into her space and shake her hand. Some may push you away and tell you to get out of their faces, but many will be charmed. (WARNING: do NOT use this on women who truly are stunning because they’ve heard it too often already.)
  
  
• Another more advanced approach with takes a good share of gusto and balls is the making a scene style. This is where you see a gorgeous woman and literally do something to embarrass yourself and grab everyone’s attention in the process. You might walk into a bar and fall to your knees, struck by her beauty. You might grab the people going by you in the lunch line and point to her, saying MY GOD! I didn’t know women could be that beautiful! You could start dusting off the ground she is about to walk on before she walks by.  Show her that you are willing to make a fool of yourself in order to capture her attention.
  
  
• Do not, not, not use pick up lines unless for some reason you have NO OTHER choice because, for the most part, they are weak and boring. If you find you only have seconds to say something or everything else you practiced has suddenly vacated your brain, here are a couple that don’t suck as much as most:

“Excuse me, but I wanted you to know that if God made anything more sensual than your legs, he’s keeping it a secret.”           

“I could keep flirting with you from a distance but I don’t want to risk losing you before we had the chance to meet.”    

“Hey, do you happen to know any successful opening lines I could use?”

Need some additional openers? How about these from Tony Clink’s The Layguide.  They are not for the weak-kneed or shy:

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?         

You aren’t going to get too horny if I sit next to you, are you?   

You should stare at the floor for a while, because I’m going to have you staring at the ceiling for a week.

Pardon me—are you a screamer or a moaner?  

Look, I have a date in two hours, so we better go to your place now.     

Why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll’ talk about the first thing that pops up.   

By now, you’ve aroused her curiosity, entertained her with a story and made her laugh. You are good to go right into a full conversation. Job well done, you stud you.