Getting eager for the good stuff? Ready to get right down to getting laid? That’s normal, but don’t let HER know that. If you don’t do the pre-work that goes before sex, then the rest won’t come –and neither will you.

Up to now, you’ve done it all right. You’ve watched for cues, established rapport, touched appropriately, made a great impression on the whole group and gotten her off to the side in order to connect one on one. Now it’s time to move into the next step: making the date. The rest will fall into place from there.

Keep in mind that there are four possible closes to your evening. You may get her phone number. That’s the most typical one. Secondly, you might also—or instead of—get her email address. Both of them are links to connecting with her again later. Here is a look at those two possibilities.

Getting Contact Information

Before you can contact her to make a date, you need a way to get in touch with her. (Go ahead, say DUH!, but some guys stall out and ask her out and then walk away with no way of getting in touch again. A slap in the forehead moment.)  There’s email and text messaging of course, but the old-fashioned phone call is usually the best choice.

How do you go about getting that information? First of all, don’t ask for it right off the bat. She will most likely say no because, hey, you don’t even know her yet. First, you need to take the time to get to know her. Remember those insightful questions you asked? Pick up on one of her answers and say, “I’d love to learn more about getting into yoga. How does Sunday night at 7:00 work?” Always name a specific day and time and make it soon. Don’t just say, “We should get together some time...” or “Let’s have coffee next month and talk soon more.”

Never spend time with a woman without some kind of closure—preferably a contact for a date. Remember your false time constraints and use them to your advantage. “I have to run to meet a friend but I’d love to talk about this some more...”, “It has been great chatting with you because this feels like it is leading to something interesting. Let’s meet for coffee tomorrow afternoon at the shop around the corner” or “Damn, I’m sorry but I’ve got to run to catch a play... could we talk some more about your charity work? I’d love to find out how you got involved. How does Friday night at 8 sound?”

After this, just segue right into, “What’s the best number to reach you?” or “I’ll call you tomorrow. Can you jot down your number?”

What if she refuses? Do not beg. Read that again. Do not deal or beg. You just look desperate. Let it go. If things are going well after that, you can ask one more time. If she still refuses, walk away. You’re done. Go find the next girl.

What if she asks for YOUR number? Look surprised and then find a reason not to give it to her. You’re too busy... you’re having cell phone issues... find a reason. If she has your number, she is in charge. You don’t want that to happen. You have to be the person to get the number.

Calling/Emailing to Make the Date

You have the number/address, you want to make a date, so let’s get it done. Do not wait more than 48 hours after you meet to contact her. If you do, she will either have given up on hearing from you and moved on or forgotten you ever existed in the first place. Call when you said you would. If you told her you’d be in touch with her on Tuesday afternoon, do it.

When you call/email a girl for the first time, you should have two basic purposes: to make a date and to build additional rapport. Keep in mind that the girl may be in a completely different frame of mind when you call than she was when she met you. If you met her at work, in a coffeehouse or during your lunch hour, this may not be quite as true, but if you met her in a bar or at a party, it will be. She doesn’t have loud music, alcohol and mingling going on all around her now. She may doubt her decision to get together with you, so do everything you can to remind her of the connection you made when you met. If you had a funny name for her, use it. If she told you about a hobby, refer to that. If something funny happened while you were talking, refer to that. “Hey snake charmer, this is the guy who came far too close to spilling his beer down your shirt” or “Good afternoon Bead Babe, this is Kevin. What masterpiece have you created today?” This reminder of the time you spent together will bring her emotions back to when she met you and help cement the bond between you.

Don’t rely on luck or fate to provide these opening lines either. Give it some thought before you call so you have a line ready. It will break the ice and help you get past your nervousness. You can actually write down every single thing you want to say ahead of time so you don’t stumble. Just make sure it doesn’t sound like you are reading it.

After that opening line, do not ask the usual “So, how are you?” or “What are you doing?”  That opens the doors for answers you might not be ready to handle. Don’t start off with asking for the date either. Chat for a moment. Experts differ A LOT about how long this call should last. Some believe it should be no more than three or four minutes, so establishing the date has to be done quickly. Others say the first conversation should be 20 to 25 minutes long so you have a chance to get to know each other better and the call is about something other than just the date. The truth is that women prefer men who enjoy talking on the phone because, as a general rule, women like to talk on the phone. While we look at a phone as a way to convey facts and get answers, women tend to see it as a way to make emotional connections. Do the same and score some points that will help later. Make sure you are the one to end the call though—and just like when you met her, end it at a high point where you are both laughing and really connecting.

The kiss of death when you ask her out, however, is not having a PLAN. There is little that will lessen your value than saying, “So what would you like to do this weekend?” or “Let’s meet Friday at 7 and hang out for a while.” A woman wants to know that you have put time and thought into this date, not just said, hey, I guess I could see her and we could do ... something. Ask her to go shopping with you to pick out a present for your newly born niece. Ask her to an art show opening this weekend. Don’t ask her to dinner and a movie. She has had that invitation enough to last a lifetime. You need to pick a date that is:
Based on the interests she has already told you about (does she like art? Sports? Nature? Exotic restaurants? This is where all that information you got when you met comes in handy.)

DIFFERENT from the usual date

Full of excitement and new experiences

On your turf and convenient for you to get to and from (the closer to your house the easier to stop by there after the date...)

At multiple venues so there is always something new to see and talk about.

Here are some great places for dates—and some truly terrible ones:

INSPIRED IDEAS

• Shopping
• Parks/nature hikes
• Art galleries
• Bike rides
• Yoga class
• Concerts
• Picnics
• Cooking classes
• Festivals
• Theatre
• Museums
• Planetariums/Aquariums
• Zoos
• Comedy clubs
• Salsa lessons
• Sporting events          
  (if she likes them)
• Wine tasting
• Amusement parks
• Shooting range
• Boating
• Fireworks display
• Beaches

IDIOTIC IDEAS

• Gory/violent movies
• Strip clubs
• Out with buddies
• Nudist resorts
• Overnight trips
• Places with lots of single men (competition!)
• Dangerous locations
• Video stores
• Movie theatres
• Arcades
• Sporting events (if she does not like them!)
• Sports bars (if she does not like them!)
• Car shows
• Places where old girlfriends work

What if you get her answering machine when you call? It happens, so don’t immediately be offended. Instead, leave a charming voice message about when you will call back or leave your number so she can call you and by when. Be specific, however. “Hey there Bead Baby . . . This is Mark. You’re probably out making another jewelry masterpiece. I want to know more about you, so call me before 9 tonight and let’s set something up” or “Hey Goofy Girl, this is Arthur. I’ve been thinking about you and can’t wait to see your smile again. I’d love to take a moonlight ride on my boat with you, so give me a call tomorrow morning and let’s make our plans.”

What if she doesn’t call back? Call her back two days later. Don’t ask why she didn’t call you just leave another, shorter message. Try a different time of day. If she still doesn’t call you, blow her off. She’s not worth your efforts anymore. Move on to the next one.

Going on the Prep and Prime Date

Some experts think your first date should be brief—lasting no more than 75 minutes. This is often known as a priming date. The goal here is to meet somewhere simple (use those exotic places above for the next step date) and learn more about this woman. You want to spend enough time with her to re-establish or re-create that romantic bond you had before. You want to charm her through conversation. In some ways, you are both giving each other a second look to make sure that first look you remember is right. One or both of you may think, whoops, this is not at all the person I remember from that night at the bar. In this case, you smile, shake hands and end the date. Other times you may find that this person is even better than you remembered.

When you meet for the priming date, make it some place public and simple like a neighborhood coffee house or even a book store with a coffee shop built in. Prepare for the date (remember all those preparations you made earlier to look your best? Do them all again.) Always show up EARLY (about 15 minutes) and bring something with you to do in case she either doesn’t show or so you look busy when she does arrive. If she is the intellectual, academic type, have a book with you. If she likes science, have a copy of Discover magazine to read. If she likes motorcycles, have a pair of shades on and a Harley Davidson keychain.

What do you do if she doesn’t show up at all? DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. This is not an automatic excuse for you to give up, decide you are a loser and go home to more loneliness and celibacy. It has NOTHING to do with you. It is all about her. Perhaps an emergency came up. Wait 15 minutes and then check your phone for messages. Do NOT call her and ask where she is. If there is no message and she isn’t there after 15 minutes, leave. You have better ways to spend your time—like meeting quality women and getting laid.

Have a list of questions to ask her on this date already memorized. Spend the night before writing them down and going over them. Make the topics as romantic as possible. Remember from earlier chapters that you can couch a sexual topic inside a story. Start by giving the reason or excuse for asking, transition into a very emotional, sensory based description of the situation and then ask her a question about it. Here are some examples:

EXAMPLE 1
EXCUSE
“Hey, my best friend is having trouble with his girlfriend and I am trying to help him out…”

DESCRIPTION
He says that when he kisses her, she seems to pull away. He told me he does it very slowly, usually starting at her neck and working his way up around her ear, then to her eyes and finally to her mouth. He breathes softly on her and often wraps his arms around her sensually, holding her close to his heart while he is doing it.

QUESTIONS
For some reason though, she seems to get frustrated with him when he does this. Can you tell me what he might be doing wrong? How would you like to be kissed? What tips could you give him?

LESSON LEARNED
How she likes to be kissed! Very valuable information to have when you go for that first kiss later.

EXAMPLE 2
EXCUSE
“My co-worker is completely  bummed out because girls want him to be more romantic and he isn’t sure what to do... ”

DESCRIPTION
He told me that he has tried everything erotic he can think of. He has filled the room with candles. Once he covered the bed with rose petals. The sheets were slippery satin and music was playing soft and low.

QUESTIONS
I’m running out of ideas for him. What do you think are some of the most romantic things a man can do for a woman?

LESSON LEARNED
What she thinks are the most romantic things are. Now you can make sure you do them.

“I was reading this book the other day about this man who was doing everything in his power to impress this woman... ”

EXAMPLE 3
EXCUSE
“I was reading this book the other day about this man who was doing everything in his power to impress this woman... ”

DESCRIPTION
He took her out to the most expensive restaurants. He showed her where he worked. He spent a ton of money on her. He even had her parents over for an expensive, catered dinner.

QUESTIONS
The problem is, none of this worked on her at all. She was completely unimpressed. What do you think men should do to impress women?

LESSON LEARNED
Now you know what impresses her (and often what doesn’t) so do (and don’t) do it!

EXAMPLE 4
EXCUSE
“This movie I saw last week told the story of this woman who had never truly fallen in love before... ”

DESCRIPTION
She actually had never felt that rush of passionate heat, felt her heart beat faster or her breathing speed up when she heard his voice . . . she had never even experienced making love with someone she truly desired with both her mind and body.

QUESTIONS
Do you remember falling in love for the first time? How did you know it was love? How did it change who you were?

LESSON LEARNED
Pay attention because here is a list of what turns her on—body and brain.
Try to use as many seductive words as you possibly can such as: seduce, sensual, erotic, attraction, exotic, romance or passion. Use every bit of information for the next date you make—the sensuous seduction date.

Going on the Sensuous Seduction Date

This date is not like the prime and prep date. Before you were establishing a connection through talking and now you are going to escalate things to more intimate and physical. Does this mean you get to the suck and fuck stage at the end of the evening? Maybe, not likely but maybe. Don’t count on it though. It does, however, mean that you are going to move beyond the polite, casual social touching you have been doing. About damn time, eh?

The seduction date is very different from your other date. This one should last several hours—at least three if not more. This is where that list of ideas will come in handy. Don’t just plan one of the things on the list either; you need to fill up the entire evening with places that she finds exciting and exotic. Combine a place to go for entertainment and then dinner, capped off with a little dancing, a quiet ride, a last drink—or even a stop off at your place. Pay for everything—it’s not too sexy to linger over a drink, touching more and more and then sit back to split up the bill and decide who is going to leave the tip.

Arrive early to your date and wait outside for her to arrive. When you see her, give her your best smile and a gentle hug. If you haven’t kissed her yet, don’t do it now. Your job tonight is to make this woman feel truly special. If you know what turns her on, what she thinks is romantic and how she likes to be touched (remember those questions from the last date?), that is what you should do.

During the course of the evening, you might want to give her a small gift. No, not diamonds or anything ex-pensive—just something small that made you think of her. You may be shocked at how surprised and pleased she will be—and how she shows her appreciation. The gift tells her you are thoughtful and generous and that she has been on your mind. Try to tie that gift to something you two talked about or something she told you about herself. If she admitted that Pez© is her favorite candy, have a new Pez dispenser for her. If she loves to play the Lottery, have a ticket for her. If she told you about a great group she just heard about, bring her a CD. Here are some additional ideas:

• Stuffed animals
• Chocolate
• Unusual pen
• Scented soaps
• Massage oil
• Books

It won’t cost you much money but oh the brownie points! The gift is also a tangible reminder of your date that she will look at often and remember. Earn bonus points by wrapping it really nicely—pretty paper, big bow—even a card.

The touching that goes on throughout this date is much more personal and more fun. You’re past the palm reading, high fives and other casual contacts. Now it is time to put your hand on her arm, hold her hand and stroke it with your thumb, brush back her hair and linger across her neck, slip your arm around her shoulders or waist or hug her. Don’t do it all at once and don’t do it too fast either. Take it one step at a time and then watch her reaction. Does she frown, pull back, get quiet, change the subject or head for the women’s restroom? It means too much too soon. Slow it down. Go back to wherever she was comfortable and stay there for awhile. Don’t talk to her about the touching either. Keep it subtle.

However, if she leans forward when you do it, if her breath catches, if she holds your hand back or squeezes you, keep right on going. How often should you touch her? Here are some general rules of what you need to do during the course of your long seduction date:

• Touch her at least five times, always staying within her comfort zone. Make each one quick and gentle.
• Make eye contact often and at least once, lock eyes with her and hold it
  Wink at her at least once when it is appropriate
• Compliment her at least three times (remember if she is drop dead gorgeous, find something to compliment other than her looks)
• At least once scan her from head to toe when she is looking. Start at her eyes and go all the way to her feet and back up to her eyes. This lets her know you find her desirable but in a clear and non-threatening way. You aren’t sneaking glances at her. 

Now comes the next big step in the seduction date: that all important first kiss. Not sure it is all that important? Stop thinking like a man for a moment. Many women will tell you that if you can’t kiss for shit, you aren’t going to go one step further with them. A woman may interpret your kissing style and ability as your sexual style and ability. If you want her to see you as hot, you better kiss hot. The kiss is also important because it truly is the mark between being two friends and being romantic. A line is crossed after that kiss.

The First Kiss

Remember those four closes we mentioned in the beginning of the chapter? Here is the third one—the kiss close. It may just be that when you first meet this woman, charm her, entertain her, mystify her and touch her that it merges right into a first kiss then and there. She is giving you all the right signs from laughing at your jokes and touching you. Lean into her. Smell her neck. Put your mouth against her ear and say:

I want to kiss you
Kiss me
I want to kiss your neck

To close with a kiss, ask her, “Would you like to kiss me?” Naturally, if she says yes, do it! (Duh!) If she says maybe or I don’t know, respond with “Let’s find out then . . .” If the answer is “Not yet . . .” that means she wants to but not in this exact environment. Do not, ever, ask a woman if you can kiss her!

You close right before you walk out with her contact information in hand is a gentle, intense, passionate kiss. (Good job!) Just as you want to leave when she is still thinking about how great you are, you want to leave her with the memory of a kiss that she will think about again and again until you call her.

If you ended that first meeting with a kiss and now you are going out on your first date, be sure to kiss her as soon as you see her. This reestablishes the connection you made earlier.

For those who haven’t kissed yet, however, this date is the time. You may have been thinking about that kiss for a few minutes, planning it out in your mind, but you can bet the woman you are out with has been thinking about that kiss from the moment you picked her up—or even before. She has been anticipating it, wondering about it and imagining it for hours.

Because of this, do not wait until the typical end of the date, standing at the front door moment to kiss her. If you reach that point without kissing her, you may as well walk away; it shows that you are just like all the other guys. Find a natural place during the course of the date. When she is laughing at something you said or there is a quiet romantic moment on the dance floor, kiss her. You can lead up to it but almost kissing her, of course. Come close and back away. Rest your forehead on hers and share breath. Go forward to kiss her and deviate to her neck or ear. Ask her “Do you want to kiss me?” or lean in close, sigh and say, “I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now.” If things are going well and you have been reading all of her signs correctly, chances are she will either lean forward to kiss you and or pull you towards her.

Here are the things NOT to do when you kiss her because it is sure to end up badly:

• Don’t tell her you’re reading a fantastic seduction book and it said this was the right time to kiss her         
• Don’t say something abundantly stupid like, “Have you ever wondered what Charles Manson was really like?” or “Man, you smell even better than my date this afternoon”            
• Don’t treat the kiss like a chore to cross off your list. “Ok, kiss is over... what is the next step?”
• Don’t be indecisive—I will kiss her, or maybe I won’t, well I could—she will pick up on it and it isn’t very attractive. Kiss her with confidence and most importantly, passion.  
• Don’t thank her like she has given you a favor. This sounds desperate.
• Don’t push too hard too soon. If she has not given you the signs that she is interested in you and finds you attractive, don’t kiss her. Make sure she wants it too.           
• Don’t come at her out of the blue when she is in the middle of talking to someone, ordering food, telling a story, getting in your car, etc.
• Do not aggressively grab her, kiss her hard and stick your tongue in her mouth. You just raped her in a sense and she will not like it.            
• Do not kiss her unless you know that your breath smells good, your teeth are brushed and your lips are smooth and not dry and chapped.
  

What if she refuses your kiss? You will have to figure out what that refusal means. Don’t ask her why she refused and don’t argue with her about it either. Never, ever beg. Instead let it go and wait until she is comfortable, then try it again. Chances are, you will succeed. If not, don’t give up. A third date may just do the trick.

Proceeding

If you’ve had a wonderful time and you want to see her again—and she needs more priming before you’re going to get her into bed—schedule a third date. Don’t wait for more than a few days to do so and this time, offer to make her dinner at your place—this demonstrates the characteristic that you are creative and can cook. By moving the date onto your own turf, you can have even more control of what goes on. You can make sure the lighting and background music are perfect. You can serve her exotic and rich food that you either (a) made yourself or (b) bought, heated and put into dishes to make it appear you made yourself. The main course doesn’t have to be completed; what matters more to her is that you made it.  Also get a bottle of wine, some candles, and some dessert.

Cooking for a woman often makes her feel very special. It can be a sensual experience that makes you appear even more competent and attractive than before. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it also means you are only one room away from your bedroom (or just a few feet away from your couch).

At last, it’s time to make that next move—the one that leads from a long kiss to that proverbial roll in the hay. It’s time to finally get laid.

Wait! Hold on a minute! Isn’t something missing? We said FOUR possible closes—first, the phone number, second, the email, third, the kiss and... what is the last one? Good catch. The fourth close is the proceeding close—and it is the one from which most men’s sexual fantasies are built. In this close, you meet the woman, spend time together, get contact information, get that wonderful first kiss and then, as the name implies, you proceed by segueing right into a “date”. This is reality gentlemen and many men, many men score the first time they meet a woman! Read on.

Suggest that you head someplace quieter, more private, cooler / warmer — or in other words, someplace where you can be more comfortable. It can be out for a cup of coffee or going for a nice, long walk—wherever the two of you can be alone together.  From there, your kisses should turn passionate (often over in a dark corner, outside the bar, in your car, on the dance floor, etc.) and it’s clear this woman is not interested in stopping. Hands begin to roam, the temperature goes up and as quickly as possible you two are headed for the closest apartment, hotel room or roomy back seat. A first meeting that ends in sex—it’s the best close of all and the one that lets you know that you sure as hell know how to succeed with women.